Not Perfect Is Good
by Sakura Mau Toki
Summary: A collection of Mayuri-centered oneshots!
1. Stare KukakuXMayuri

**Author's note: I'm back! And with a one shot collection! 8D This will be a collection of oneshot's & drabbles about Mayuri & will include various pairings. This will also be updated at random when I get the urge to write..and when I'm not busy with school .. Though you can expect quicker updates & more new stories over the holidays since I will have free time :D. **

**Thanks goes out to my lovely beta, South-Yorkshire-Nee-Chan :'D LOVE YOU NEE CHAN! :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters, places, etc. ALL CREDIT GOES TO TITE KUBO!**

**Title: Stare**

**Type: Oneshot**

**Rating: T+**

**Pairings/characters: Kuukaku X Mayuri, Shunshi, Jushiro, Byakuya, Yamamoto.**

**Warnings: Language, slight sexual/adult themes**

* * *

"IS EVERYONE READY!?" Shunsui called out as a group of shinigami gathered around two people, who were glaring at each other, forming a circle that fully encased the two glaring individuals, preventing them from leaving.

"Then let's begin the first annual Strip off Staring Contest! Now the rules are simple, the person who blinks first has to remove one piece of clothing and both contestants must keep going until one of the contestants has removed every last bit of clothing!" Shunsui explained excitedly as his best friend, Jushiro Ukitake, looked on, shaking his head the entire time. He knew Shunsui could be rather, _creative_, at times, though this was simply taking things too far. As he was about to voice his opinion (and hope to knock some sense back into Shunsui's head), Byakuya spoke up.

"Will someone care to explain why we were called out here to watch _this_?" He asked, glaring in disdain at the circle of shinigami. "I thought that this was supposed to be a simple get together."

Ukitake sighed, "Well it was supposed to be a 'get together' accompanied with a few games for entertainment, but since the Sou taicho banned strip poker after last years, _incident_, Shunsui decided that we needed another 'fun' game, so he came up with this." He finished as he looked at the circle hopelessly, knowing that there was no stopping Shunsui now, or the other shinigami for that matter since everyone seemed to be drunk, and Ukitake knew better than to upset the drunk shinigami. So he sighed in defeat and turned to watch Shunsui as he spoke up again.

"Though here's the catch, each time a contestant loses, the number of pieces of clothing being removed doubles. For example, if you lose the first time, you remove one piece of clothing, but if you lose again, you must then remove two pieces of clothing, and so on and so forth. Any questions?" He asked as he looked at the shinigami in the circle. Hearing none, Shunsui continued on, "Now to introduce our contestants! Our first contestant is the taicho of the twelfth division, Kurotsuchi Mayuri-san!" Shunsui announced as he gestured to Mayuri who merely glared back in response, unable to believe that he had gotten coerced into doing something so juvenile and idiotic. Mayuri figured that it was the sake that he had earlier which affected his lack of judgement in agreeing to do this, or it was the woman staring in front of him now, a sly grin forming its way onto her mouth. As he turned his attention back onto the woman before him, he reasoned that both she and the sake were to blame here.

"And now our next contestant, she's the premier fireworks expert of the Rukongai and head of the Shiba family, Shiba Kuukaku-san!" Kuukaku grinned as she received a lot of applause from the audience, mostly from the men, and her grin grew wider when she noticed that Mayuri twitched at this fact. Thinking back to earlier that night when she first heard of Shunsui's idea for this new game, she knew she wanted in on it the moment it left his mouth. However, she had no idea that Mayuri would be her opponent, or that it would be so easy to goad him into this.

"Everyone ready?" Shunsui asked as he looked at the two combatants.

"Oh hell yeah." Kuukaku replied, grinning evilly.

"Bring it." Mayuri responded, glaring at the Shiba woman in front of him.

"OK! 3...2....1... GO!"

Both Kuukaku and Mayuri immediately proceeded to stare each other down, each hoping to psych the other out. After a few minutes Mayuri blinked, then swore as Kuukaku smirked at him as the crowd behind her cheered.

"Start stripping Mayu-chan!" She called out as he reluctantly took off his hat before resuming the contest. 'I won't lose this time.' He thought smirking, and was rewarded a minute later by Kuukaku removing her cape.

"You cheated." She growled, glaring at him.

"Prove it." He told her, smirking at the scowl that she was now wearing.

"You're on!" And with that, they were back to staring each other down, neither of them moving. As the night wore on, more & more clothing was lost between the two competitors until they came to the last round.

"After long last, we came to the final round!" Shunsui called out to the now excited crowd, "The winner of this round takes all! Are you ready?"

"BRING IT ON!" Kuukaku shouted, now wearing only her top and her underwear.

"Of course." Mayuri replied calmly, though with a determined edge to his voice. He too was reduced to very little clothing, only wearing his under kimono, his face paint and mask long gone.

"Then let's get it started! 3..2..1, GO!" And both competitors were at it again, each glaring at the other fiercely, hoping that the other will lose. After a few minutes Kuukaku scowled at the fact that Mayuri had yet to blink and was becoming increasingly frustrated. Mayuri, on the other hand, saw this and smirked at her, knowing that he was going to emerge as the victor. After all, there was no way in _hell _that he would let her win! This stare down continued for another few minutes until...

"AHA! YOU BLINKED SHIBA!" Mayuri shouted suddenly, pointing an accusing finger at Kuukaku, "Which means I WIN!"

"I DID NOT! YOU CHEATED!" Kuukaku retorted, face becoming livid with anger.

"Just admit that you lost Shiba." Mayuri replied smugly, watching her in amusement over her loss.

"WHY YOU-!" She started as she tried to move towards him, wanting to beat the ever loving shit out of him. Shunsui then placed a hand on her shoulder, preventing her from moving towards Mayuri.

"He's right Shiba-san, you did blink and lost the round as a result." He told her sympathetically when he saw the anger on her face.

Kuukaku paused for a few minutes before sighing in defeat. "Fine! I lost." She grumbled, glaring at Mayuri the entire time.

"You know what this means then," Mayuri replied as the grin on his face grew wider, "take it off Shiba."

"Alright, alright! I'm getting there! Try and keep it in your pants will you?" She jeered, reaching up to untie the back of her halter top. Before she could even undo the knot, a loud voice boomed from the doorway.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Yamamoto commanded angrily, glaring at the shinigami in the room.

"..Well shit." Shunsui muttered quickly before replying cheerfully, "Yama-jii! What brings you here ne?"

"I could ask you the same thing Shunsui." He replied, glaring at his former pupil as the rest of the shinigami scrambled out the door in fear of the sou-taicho's wrath.

"We were just having a bit of fun!" Shunsui told him lazily, never removing the smile from his face.

Yamamoto then turned to Ukitake "I take it that this is similar to the 'strip poker' incident?" He asked, quickly looking over to the two contestants before turning back to Jushiro.

"I'm afraid so sensei." He replied wearily, looking over to Shunsui disapprovingly.

"Juu-chan! How could you! I thought we were friends!" He replied, giving a dramatic sob as the other captains snuck out of the room, knowing full well what would happen next.

"Enough! I warned you to stop pulling these hi jinks Shunsui!" Yamamoto reprimanded, reaching for his zanpakuto, "But I guess I'll have to teach you the hard way."

"Shunsui paused for a moment before grabbing Jushiro suddenly, "WE MUST FLEE JUU-CHAN!" He shouted, dragging them off using shunpo.

"GET BACK HERE YOU WHIPPER SNAPPERS!" Yamamoto raged as he chased after them, zanpakuto swinging in the air as he went.

Mayuri and Kuukaku simply stood there the entire time. Neither said a word as an awkward silence started to surround them.

"Well that was..interesting." Mayuri spoke, in an attempt to break the awkward silence between them.

Kuukaku merely nodded in response before an idea hit her. She smirked evilly and turned towards Mayuri.

"...What are you planning now Shiba?" He asked her wearily, not liking the look that was now in her eyes. She walked over to him, swaying her hips slightly before stopping right in front of him, faces now inches apart.

"You know, we never DID finish our little contest" She replied huskily, leaning in slightly and wrapping one arm around the back of his neck.

His last coherent thought before she closed the distance between them was, 'I really hate these get togethers'.'

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**A/N:** **And so ends the first oneshot! Liked it/hate it/ have any tips on how to make it better? Just read & review! Thank you for reading! :'D *bows***


	2. Lights KukakuXMayuri

**Author's Note:****Here's another Kukaku X Mayuri one shot! I has this floating around since christmas and finally got around to finishing it. =_=' I originally intended this to be a christmas fic but since its no longer said holiday season, I turned this into a 'Kukaku messing with Mayuri's head' fic. It's fun AND ticks him off! *shot* Due to this change in plot, there might be some continuity errors but I think I solved for that. If not please tell me!**

**Also, this was based off the song 'the 12 pains of christmas' so there's one or two lines from it in there... w**

**Now onto the other stuff!**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do NOT own Bleach or any of its characters, places, etc. ALL CREDIT GOES TO TITE KUBO! I also do not own the song 'The 12 Pains of Christmas' either.

**Title: Lights**

**Rating: T+**

**Summary: In which the holiday season is not what it appears and christmas lights are the enemy of all. At the expense and amusement of others.**

**Pairings/Characters: Kukaku X Mayuri, hints of YoruSoi.**

**Warnings: Language and slight violence...and Mayuri injury... .**

**ONTO THE FIC!~**

* * *

**Lights**

"You know Mayu-chan, Christmas is fast approaching." Kukaku stated as she turned towards the scientist next to her who was busily typing up something on the computer in front of him.

"What about it?" Mayuri snapped as he continued to type up those reports for the Head Captain. It was no secret that he hated Christmas, as well as every other holiday of the year, for it meant that it was a day in which no work or experiments could be done. The Head Captain had enforced a rule a few years back in which it was mandatory that the Gotei 13 would not do any work on a holiday, or face severe consequences. This was one of the reasons that Mayuri hated any sort of holiday, that and the people were way too goddamn happy for his liking.

"Well for one, I haven't set up any decorations nor have I gotten a Christmas tree or _put up Christmas lights_." She told him, putting a bit of emphasis on the last part in the hopes of him getting the hint.

"So? Why not go and do it now instead of complaining to me about it." He told her irritably, starting to get annoyed at being pulled away from his work by petty trivial matters.

"That's the thing _Mayu-chan_," she started again, smirking in delight as he twitched at the nickname, "while I would be only too happy to start now, there are a few things that I need help with." She told him, hoping he would get the hint this time.

"Then go get help!" He snapped, his irritation growing by the second.

Seeing as how he wasn't getting the hint, she decided to just be upfront about it. "That's exactly why I'm here. I wanted to see if you-" she was cut off sharply by a now irate Mayuri.

"Oh no, I refuse to get caught up in this crap! And if you think that_ I'm_ going to help _you _then _you _have another thing coming!" He retorted angrily as Kukaku sighed in irritation. She had a feeling that this would be his answer though luckily she had brought something that would help to get the answer she wanted. She then got off the desk she was previously sitting on and moved over to the scientist, pulling a firework out of one of the pockets in her skirt. Once she was in front of him she spoke again, her tone dangerously low.

"Let's look at it this way Mayu-chan. If you _don't_ help me then I can assure you that this holiday will be a _really_ painful one." She hissed menacingly, holding the firework dangerously close to him to emphasise her point.

Mayuri eyed her wearily as he thought over his options. He could just stick by his previous answer and simply kick her out, but he knew that she would just come back and carry out her threat. If there was one thing he knew, Kukaku Shiba _never_ went back on her word, _especially _her threats. Knowing that he wasn't getting out of this anytime soon, Mayuri sighed in defeat.

"Fine I'll do it! But it had better not take long!" He snapped irritably, angered by the fact that he was, yet again, roped into something he absolutely hated.

Kukaku smirked, knowing that she had him whipped. "'Atta boy Mayu-chan! I knew you'd see things my way." She replied, happily making her way to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." And with that she was gone, leaving Mayuri to muddle over his current predicament.

"Why me?" He asked no one in particular as he held his head in his hands.

* * *

Kukaku was just about done dragging out the Christmas lights, which she just happened to 'borrow' from Kisuke, when she spotted Mayuri and his lieutenant making their way over to her house. She smirked at the scowl on Mayuri's face and couldn't wait to see him attempt to set up the lights. It would be ever so amusing.

"Mayu-chan! You actually made it!" Kukaku called to him as he made his way over, looking ready to kill the nearest thing that moved.

"Let's just get this over with, NEMU!" Mayuri shouted as his lieutenant moved over to them, carrying a really weird device.

"Yes Mayuri-sama?"

"Go and set up the device!" Mayuri barked as Nemu bowed to him.

"Yes Mayuri-sama" She replied, going over to where Kukaku had placed a huge box of Christmas lights. In a matter of seconds, Nemu activated the device which transformed into some sort of makeshift ladder.

"It is ready Mayuri-sama." Nemu informed him, now waiting for his next order.

"About time!" He snapped as he glared at his so called 'daughter'. "Now go back to the lab and proceed with the schedule. We're already far behind as it is!"

"Yes Mayuri-sama" Nemu replied, bowing to Mayuri and Kukaku before she left.

Once she left, Mayuri then turned his attention to the woman before him, still scowling. "Now what _exactly_ is it that I have to do?" He spat out, still not happy with his current arrangement.

Kukaku then pointed to the box beside the makeshift ladder. "I need those lights rigged up to my house, all along the outer edges there." She then pointed to the outer edges of her home along with the edges of the roof. Mayuri inwardly groaned, knowing that this would take the whole day to accomplish. Throwing one last glare at her, he made his way over to the box of lights and started to take out a few. It wasn't until a few minutes later that difficulties started to arise.

"Woman!" He barked, "where are the extension cords!"

Kukaku snorted, "like hell if I know!"

Mayuri growled, "well if you want them up I suggest that you go and get them you useless bitch!"

"Watch it shinigami bastard!" Kukaku snarled in warning as the irate captain shot her a nasty look.

"Tch useless vermin," Mayuri muttered under his breath as he got off the ladder, "leave me to do everything out of their incompetence."

Kukaku ignored him, choosing instead to observe the captain's handiwork thus far. After seeing him pick up where he last left off, she called to him; "OI! You missed a spot!"

"And where would that be!" Mayuri retorted, quickly losing what little patience he had to start with. Kukaku merely smirked as she pointed to a section which, after it was hung up, was drooping slightly. Swearing profusely, Mayuri re positioned the ladder over to where she was pointing, nearly falling off in the process. Kukaku sniggered as the other spent the remainder of the day struggling with the lights, laughing at points where the other would become entangled in the mess of wires that were the Christmas lights.

"Dare I ask what you're putting the poor man through now?" A low male voice spoke, causing Kukaku to turn around.

"Just getting him to do me a favour." She smirked, looking at the black cat sitting next to her. "And dare I ask why you're visiting?"

"I came to check up on things." Yoruichi replied nonchalantly as Kukaku gave a knowing smirk.

"More like you came to check up on a certain 'little bee' of yours." Kukaku replied as Yoruichi gave a small grin.

"Maybe, however that does not answer my previous question." She replied as Kukaku gave her a wicked grin.

"It's like this; I needed help and he agreed to do it, after a bit of _persuading_."

"You threatened him with bodily harm again didn't you?" Kukaku snorted.

"Serves the bitch right for thinking that he could top; _no one _tops Kukaku Shiba." She told the other who just shook her head. "Besides, I'm the one in charge."

"And I take it you neglected to tell him that Christmas was over four months ago?" Yoruichi asked, now thoroughly amused.

"Ah well, it's good exercise for him." She replied, smirking as the captain let out a cry of "Why the hell are they blinking?" before promptly falling off the ladder and onto the ground below, a loud thud accompanying him.

"Looks like we should call Captain Unohana," Yoruichi replied, watching the captain twitching not too far from them.

"If you say so," Kukaku replied as she watched her friend disappear quickly. Once the other was gone, Kukaku made her way back into the house. "April fools Mayu-chan." She snickered as she entered, searching for some supplies as she heard muffled swearing from outside.

It wasn't until a few weeks after his release from the Fourth division that he finally figured out what the actual date was. A cry of "DAMN YOU SHIBA BITCH!" was heard soon after, echoing all across the Seireitei.

**Fin.**

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**A/N: There you have it. Liked it? Hated it? Have any tips for improval? Just leave a review! Thank you for reading ^_^**


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